6 Things I’ve Learned About Managing Money With ADHD

I was diagnosed last year at age 54 with ADHD. I’ve told this story in a previous blog post, which you can read here.

I wasn’t crazy about the idea of a diagnosis because I believed my executive dysfunction to be not exactly normal, but the reality of my life. I saw ADHD the way I saw horoscopes, that you could make anything fit anyone. And, I told myself, I’m not hyperactive, so no way is this a thing for me! Also, the only thing that really stands out about any possibility of me having ADHD was how I’ve managed money all my life.

But this is all bullshit, as I know now. There are lots of things that I’ve done (or not done) throughout my life that are a consequence of having ADHD.

I learned that ADHD has a genetic component when my son got a diagnosis. If you have it, then surely one of your parents have it. Although I was proud of my son for taking matters into his own hands, I still was like, “eh, maybe I do have it.” My kids encouraged me to get a referral “just to see,” so I did and here we are.

Keep reading for the five things I’ve learned about money as a late-diagnosed woman with ADHD!

1. We Don’t Notice Behavior Patterns

All our lives we’ve had to face some sort of test, whether it was school- or job-related, or a test of our will to accomplish a task. With ADHD, it’s hard to feel like we can be successful at something because of all the unfinished projects we leave behind.

At least, that’s how I’ve felt all my life.

But one thing I’ll admit is that even though I say I started my financial journey later in life (I’m 55), it’s actually not the complete story.

At the age of 24, after four years, I decided to invest in my workplace 401(k). Yay! I quit that job a few months later.

In the 2000s I started reading personal finance books. I signed myself up for term life insurance (responsibility!) and opened a brokerage account (saving for retirement!) were smart financial moves to make. Yay for me!

Then I got bored. I told myself I couldn’t afford the (admittedly low cost of) the life insurance and I closed the brokerage account.

Then I decided that in my first professional (non-union) position at the University of Washington, I’d be an adult and participate in the Voluntary Investment Program to show that I was INVESTING MONEY. Like my job in my 20s, I left the job when my contract ended, about six months after I started investing.

Do you see a pattern yet?

So I always knew the so-called right things to do, but never sustained. I was smart enough to know that investing over the long-term is good. That having an emergency fund and term life insurance were good. I knew that the stock market outperformed inflation and it was the best way to save for retirement.

But once I came down from the high of feeling full of myself, I stopped doing all those things. Then I’d go onto the next thing. And so on.

Looking back, the ADHD cycle of new shiny things and the boredom that followed was obvious. But I didn’t realize it at the time because I was so caught up in the guilt and embarrassment of starting and stopping all these moves.

How did I change? What was the trigger that made me realize I COULD do invest and save and all that?

Honestly, there really wasn’t one thing. In 2017 and 2019 I filed bankruptcy to prevent foreclosure on my home. In 2018, I started working as a paralegal for an immigration attorney who paid me on a weekly basis. I worked about 15 hours a week and started putting my paychecks into a savings account.

I continued that and dipped into savings whenever I needed to pay cash for something because I didn’t have credit.

In 2020, one night before my 50th birthday, I opened the TIAA-CREF app on my phone, where I had my University of Washington retirement, and wondered if I should open a Roth IRA. After a few moments of hesitation, I opened the Roth, scheduled a $100 transfer from my savings, and the rest is history.

Maybe we learn things a bit later or maybe it’s that our environments and the larger world aren’t set up to allow for neurodivergence. After all, physical environments aren’t always made for people with disabilities to access. And mental health challenges have the double whammy of being both invisible and taboo, so the wider world doesn’t consider our needs.

Now I teach my community how to work within the bounds of their brains. The system we live in isn’t set up for immigrants, Black folks, the LGBTQ community or peopel with disabilities. Not everything is set up for people who are neurodivergent, or those who have different learning styles, and sometimes need accommodations. That doesn’t mean we’re dumb; it just means that the wider world isn’t set up for us.

2. We’re Not Lazy

There’s a perception that people with ADHD are lazy. First of all, laziness is a capitalist construct. Capitalism values productivity and self-sufficiency. If you’re not producing something for monetary gain, then you’re not considered a productive member of society. This is why so many jurisdictions get away with paying disabled people less than the legal minimum wage.

Second, the world is not built for neurodivergent people. Studies show that our circadian rhythms aren’t in alignment with the general population, which means also that it’s hard for us to get up in the morning to be at work at 8 a.m. when the workday starts. Instead of having staggered hours, we’re expected to be at work at the same time as our neurotypical peers.

3. We Need the Right Tools for Our Brains

Have you ever noticed how twirling a pen in your hands during a meeting helps you focus? You’re using the pen as a tool to keep your hands busy while your attention is on your meeting.

I notice that when I’m making videos that I talk with my hands a lot. I’m so focused on hand movements that I forget what I’m saying. So I got some fidget toys (mostly Star Wars figurines) to keep my hands busy and out of sight.

But there are other tools we need, such as timers, prompts, medication, squeeze balls, gum, or other items that help us pay attention.

Other tools that we may need are things that make it fun to do everyday things. For example, my youngest son (who doesn’t have ADHD) loves the lightsaber pizza cutter I gave him for Christmas. My eldest (Giancarlo, the one with ADHD) likes anything with soft lighting and smells. He loves candles and incense, and wants a galaxy light projector thing for the bathroom. It makes tedious things like showering more enticing.

4. There’s No Such Thing as Being Bad With Money

I don’t believe there’s such a thing as being bad with money. Assigning a value of good or bad to a skill that has such a huge impact on our lives isn’t helpful. Rather, I prefer to say:

• I’m not happy with some of my choices
• I need to work on connecting money to my value system in order to build a relationship with my finances
• Debt is neutral
• A low credit score/debt/overdrawn account is not a reflection of my worth as a person
• I never learned how to manage money that aligns with my goals. Now I’m working to change that.
• I’m learning from my mistakes
• I’ve learned to look for credible information online and ask for help

You can do on social media anywhere or do a search and influencers and bloggers who will list ways you’re throwing money away. A big target for these people is ordering DoorDash or buying frozen foods. They scream and shame that you’re wasting money and then make you feel like shit.

I hate DD as much as the next person for the shitty way they treat drivers and for their extortionate fees. Recently there was a post on Medium about ways people are throwing away money and DD was on the list. I left a comment that there needs to be nuance in statements that shame people for DD and UberEats. As someone who drove for DD and also has ordered from DD, who also has past financial trauma, I want people to be aware of these blanket statements. And that it’s OK for tired parents to order DD to feed their kids.

She replied that it’s easy enough for tired parents to throw something together, missing the point. I know what it’s like to be a single parent, a tired parent and a parent who just says “fuck it, let’s order delivery because we’re all hungry and I need to feed my people.” While also facing foreclosure and bankruptcy.

5. We Know More About Money Than We’ve Been Led to Believe

While it’s true that personal finance isn’t a required subject in all states, and many of us grew up with negative experiences with money, it doesn’t mean we know nothing. We tend to put ourselves down and say things like “I’m so bad with money lol!” or “I hate math, I feel so dumb with my money haha.”

But personal finance is a huge topic. No one person knows everything about money.

Let’s see if you can answer yes a few of these questions:

1. Can you calculate how much you make per month based on an hourly rate?
2. Do you understand that when you calculate your monthly salary that the amount before taxes is the gross amount? Do you know what net pay is?
3. Do you know you can open a traditional or Roth IRA even if you have a 401(k)?
4. Do you know that money in an emergency fund should be kept in a savings account separate from everyday expenses?
5. Do you know it’s a recommended practice to pay your credit card bill off in full each month to avoid paying interest?
6. Did you know you can ask the company that holds your 401(k) for a free meeting with an advisor?
7. Do you know if your bank or credit union has eliminated overdraft fees?
8. Do you know not to use the same PIN across different debit cards?
9. Do you know where gas is cheapest in your area?
10. Do you compare prices when you go to the grocery store?

How did you do? I hope you were able to answer yes to at least three questions. If not, then go through each question and find out the answer. And then follow me on social media and read my blog posts. You can also sign up for my newsletter for insights on the week’s financial news!

6. The ADHD Tax is Real

What is the ADHD tax? Paying for convenience, buying multiples of things, paying late fees, the cost of replacing lost items, job loss, underemployment, traffic tickets, medications and so on.

I’ll give you some personal examples of me and my son:

• Sliced cheese (instead of a block)
• Individual containers (instead of a bulk containers)
• Co-pays for medication
• Replacement of lost keys, wallets, power cords
• Extras of frequently-used items (I have lip balm or lip glosses in every bag, in my desk, in my nightstand, in the bathroom, in the living room)

I grew up with blocks of cheese that sometimes came from the food bank, which we sliced with a cheese slicer. Sliced cheese was a luxury. So when, as a teen, my son Giancarlo asked for sliced cheese, I was like “What?? No. Use the slicer and slice it when you need it.” And he said to me, “But it’s too much work.”

What I didn’t realize at the time was that he had ADHD and people with ADHD can sometimes struggle with eating because of the number of steps involved in preparing food. To me, that wasn’t a thing. Like, just make the food already.

I can’t tell you how much I regret my ignorance. Just writing this is making my throat hurt and my eyes water and how terrible I feel. I’ve apologized to my son and because he has a huge heart and a loving spirit, he tells me it’s OK, that I didn’t know.

Now that I understand ADHD and how our brains work, I know that we need certain supports and those supports cost money. I’ve learned that my child doesn’t have to struggle just because I had to struggle. We’re learning together, even if it costs money to do so. That’s the truth about ADHD.

What are some ways you pay the ADHD tax?